New York, and resting is doing something!

Today was not a day lost in NYC. Though we are surrounded by spectacular things to see and do, so much to experience, it was a day to rest.

I have so many great adventures, but what what has really bloomed dramatically in me over the last year of consciously trying to adventure all I can with the body I have is that I am not trying to have the adventures OTHERS have, I am trying to have the adventure I can have. It is MY adventures that fill my soul, not living the adventures of others.

A healthy person can look at 7 days in NYC as an opportunity to see and do as much as they can, because what an opportunity! However that mindset was really detrimental to my perception of being able to have fantastic adventures. I remember my anxiety approaching my first trip to NYC, and then my insane road trip (It really was a ridiculous undertaking) to Joshua Tree this summer. Feeling this big mountain ahead of me that I really wanted to climb, longed to climb with every bit of my soul, and see every vista possible in the process, but that freaking mountain was HUGE.

On my first NYC trip I remember feeling quietly resentful and limited because I had to rest more, could not do all I dreamed of. I was ecstatic and returned home empowered and looking forward to pushing myself more, but if I am being really honest, time I was "not doing anything" felt like a waste, a loss. Necessary, but stinky.

However a year later, both in Seattle, and now in NYC, I have found a different love of the quiet gentle pace my body chooses for me. I can push a day, but don't have to feel like I have to push as much as possible while my pain is more manageable. I don't feel regretful that today, we stayed in. Not totally in, I walked to pick up a couple groceries this morning, and we took a long stroll down at the waterfront this afternoon.

That is enough. That is a great day in NYC (Well Brooklyn specifically today)! We watched the huge ships, watched people walk by, and then wandered the blocks back up from the shore to our home base.

We also have been binge watching Star Trek (The Next Generation),which is seriously important work as well.

Today as been a very good adventuring day!

New York, New York!

I actually stood on the Brooklyn bridge, by myself (surrounded by millions of course) and watched the lights of Manhattan turn on. How spectacularly magic and breathtaking that was.

However I should back up a little. I was suddenly given an opportunity to spend 8 days in NYC in November 2016. A friend would be out of town, and I could stay in her Brooklyn apartment, take care of her 2 cats, and explore as much as my body let me. Then we could spend a few days together when she got home. WIN!

Dan had talked it through with me, and encouraged me that even if I got there, and spent a week laying around in my pj's, watching cable tv, playing with her cats and ordering takeout, it would be a great adventure. I jumped at the opportunity, trying to cautiously dream big while keeping my options entirely open and feeling like whatever it was, it would be just what it was supposed to be.

It was so dizzying to read about what I could see and do, after a lifetime of longing to explore this magical history filled city. My budget was very little, so I was trying to focus on experiences. In fact I was reflecting on my journal to write this, and found my list of "Things I can actually do in NYC". It was a list written with a sense of awareness of my limitations while still dreaming.  I had crossed off "do" and added "experience".

 However by the time I left, I had really boiled it down (mentally) to a few things that I felt were entirely achievable and would leave me feeling wholly fulfilled by my journey.

Walk on the Brooklyn Bridge

Figure out the subway(bonus people watching)

Ride a tour bus around Manhattan

Get to know the Brooklyn neighborhood I was visiting. (shop there, eat there)

Spend time with my friend. (well, and her cats of course)

Many people have marveled that I was not afraid to go to NYC alone. The truth is about the exact opposite! I was excited by the opportunity to be alone with myself, with my thoughts. I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable, in spite of how fragile I feel sometimes. I wanted to have reasons to initiate conversations with strangers. I had taken on another country, with a giant city (with subways that I conquered) where I did not speak the language. I wanted to feel like that bold adventurer again. To pick up where I had left off.

There is also a fair amount of guilt wrapped up in days I can't function very well, lost to pain or fatigue. I am the wildcard who will probably flake on those evening plans, or even plans at all. I am not always dependable, not always ready to go explore. That long walk you wanted to take, well cut it in half and maybe I could do it. Having the luxury, the wonderful guiltless extravagance, of just doing what I want, when I want, without anyone else being disappointed, was so luxurious. Guilt free, self centered care centered adventuring. In NYC even!

I will do a blog post at a later date about my travel journal system, which is pretty much "Stick up ephemera you want to save and jot a few thoughts" and BAM! You have a lovely way to remember your trip, day by day. Not intimidating, not overly fussy, and just such a handy way to make it easy in the moment.

Stay tuned to read more about the trip!

Traveling Training Wheels

I have always wanted to see the world. I spent my senior year living in Mexico as an exchange student. I was disappointed that it was not Italy as was first planned, because getting to Europe was my dream. However learning to love the Mexican people and becoming a functional Spanish speaker has benefited me both personally and professionally my entire life. I would love to return to Mexico, and explore other Central and South American countries, and finally get to Europe. If I was healthy and money was no option, I would have a passport booklet full of stamps.

 I was such a young adult when I had my first baby. My ability to be a young wanderer was happily set aside for motherhood, which I loved. Having 3 children was an adventure all its own, but it comes with some sacrifices. Financially, travel ends up on the “someday” list, and taking 5 people somewhere is pricey. We did things like camp at Mesa Verde, attend family reunions in Kansas or visit family in West Yellowstone, getting to explore the park.

 In more recent years we have had opportunities to travel with our youngest, or just my husband and I, which served as a foundation for me to figure out how to travel successfully while managing my chronic pain and fatigue.

  2009 San Diego, CA. 3 days. Loved the climate, pain was more moderate. While Dan and Josh went to LegoLand, I rode a Hop-on Hop-off tour bus around town, and realized that bus tours are fantastic for me. Was pooped when we got home, but not in a flair.

Imagine napping with this as your view.

  2012 San Diego CA. 4 days for a wedding. I had less down time to rest than I really needed. Worst lesson was spending last day without a place for me to land and rest. We checked out of hotel, went to a family brunch, toured the USS Midway, which is walking, and then went to lunch, and then to the airport. I honestly spent most of that flight in tears. Dan quietly asked a flight attendant to arrange a wheelchair at the gate, and we were the last ones off. I sobbed my way up the aisle.

This carpet is the first sign you make it to Portland.

Newport, OR

 
Corvallis, OR, and Oregon Coast 2014. We were visiting while considering a relocation, so it was a combination of job interview, exploration of the area, and a side trip to the coast because it was so close. I found this climate to feel great in my body as well. I was able to rest a bit more on this trip, go at my own pace. I do remember the last day of the trip being difficult because again, I had no place to land to rest and we were flying out in the evening. We did end up using Google to find a coffee shop with couches for us to spend a couple of hours at before we got on the plane, but my pain did get quite amped up, and the airplane ride home was really difficult.(I believe we also had seats that did not recline those few inches, meaning the seat is all wrong for me) This trip I also discovered how awesome a chair massage in the airport is before getting on the plane.

Public art, in Portland

 

  Portland, OR 2015- This trip was for a writing conference my husband was attending, and a chance to explore a city we had just gotten a taste of. We decided not to rent a car, and instead use the plentiful public transportation available in Portland. What I did not really think about ahead of time was how much walking you have to do in order to use public transportation. Especially challenging was trying not to overdo it so I had enough steam to get myself home. I had to plan walking to a bus stop, waiting, riding(never a quick ride), and then walking more. I did give myself a “lay around and read” day in the middle, which was very valuable in the long run. It helped me feel good enough to borrow a bike and ride it around Portland for a little while, which may be my favorite memory. This was our first AirBnB experience, and while the particular place we chose was a bit more “2 buddies who need a place to crash” and less “2 adults getting away without kids”, we loved the experience of it. It made me realize that because I need more than just a spot to crash, I need to be good about choosing a place to stay that meets all of my needs and isn’t only cheap.

Rockaway Beach Reflections

My crew and support team

 

  Portland and Rockaway Beach, OR. Clearly we have a strong love of Oregon! This trip was special, because we took all 3 of our kids (2 of whom are out of the house) and made some great memories, had first experiences, and introduced them to the area we hope to move to eventually. We rented a car because with 5 people it was easier. We spent 2 nights in Portland, in a fantastic basement apartment we found on AirBnB. Then we drove to the coast for 2 more wonderful nights in an home right on the beach. (AirBnB) On that travel day we chose our route in order to go by a lighthouse. It ended up being about .5 mile walk from parking, all downhill. I kept thinking I should turn around, but no, I ignored my instincts. The walk back up was quite difficult. However even worse was the terrible pain my calves were in the following day. I have never experienced that sort of debilitating spasm,and I could barely walk. Our “home” had steep stairs, and to get down to the beach were even steeper stairs. I missed out on any time scavenging after the tide went out because I couldn’t get down to the beach. That made me recognize that I really have to make a priority list for myself when I travel. If I had thought ahead I would have absolutely saved spoons for the beach!

That sums up my "training wheel" adventures. Next up will be my awesome November dream trip to NYC! I rocked that city.

In the Beginning..Post 1

My name is Staci,that is with an (i). A lifetime ago, before I was married, or a mother, I imagined that I would travel the world. I wanted to really see the places I read about in books. I grew up with my nose stuck in a book, so my travel dreams were extensive. I wanted to smell the smells and taste the food. I wanted to meet people from every culture, going to them with my openness and curiosity.I wanted to know my country, to walk where history was made, or where culture runs deep.

I started strong, spending my senior year of High School in Mexico. Mexico was the alternate for the original assignment in Italy. Oh how I wanted to be in Europe, where everything I had read about,the history I had learned, was so within a train ride. However I could never have comprehended how much I benefit personally and professionally from speaking Spanish and having a love of the Mexican culture. I am so thankful that the universe orchestrated that change so long ago.

I returned from Mexico, launched into the world and I tried to grow up and settle down far too fast, became a mother, and then a mother of 2, then 3. When you are a happy busy mom, things like seeing the world just are not as important, or even obtainable. I still had a someday list, and tried to make the world as big as I could for my kids with camping trips and visits to family. Flying off to faraway lands, or states even, just was not in the budget or priority list.

Now, 2 of my kids are grown, the third pretty close. I am at a place in my life when I can start adventuring a bit more.We are little more financially secure, and have more freedom as our kids are adults. Here is the kicker though. The awful unfair frustrating part. I have a really rotten chronic illness that causes widespread pain, debilitating fatigue, insomnia, muscle spasms, brain fog, depression and a whole other list of "this shouldn't happen at this age!" symptoms and sensations. It is called fibromyalgia. I am 100% disabled at this point, as determined by a judge and my healthcare provider. It stinks. Truly it stinks.

So while I am at the season of my life when I get to think about myself more again, plan adventures with my husband, and can travel a bit more, it is all just so much more challenging for me! Some with fibromyalgia would tell you it is impossible, but I believe otherwise. Traveling has to look different, with alternate plans, slower timelines and different expectations. I am just not ready to give up on fulfilling some of my dreams to live big, my intentions to experience the world.

I am determined to learn to live big, to fill my journals with experiences and moments, and seek out that part of myself that is not limited to the couch. I want to seek out challenges and adventures that fill my soul, that awaken that part of me that is not limited to hot pads and prescription bottles, and days in my room.

Will you come with me?