I have dreamed of attending a conference, called Contact In The Desert (CITD), for a few years. Around the first of the year Dan really convinced me that I just need to say I am doing it, and intend it. So I immediately started planning, dreaming, and whittling down.
This trip, with so much time to think, has really evolved greatly. In fact it is my greatest adventure yet, not only the coming trip itself, but the process of thinking and choosing carefully what to implement to be most successful.
The dream started as: I would create a slightly elevated platform (in the back of my Ford Escape) in order to create a flat surface, and work to make a comfortable bed that would travel with me. (This is something I have been wanting to do, in order to be able to camp again, and take inexpensive trips. More on this in another post) I would "car camp" my way, driving the roughly 1000 miles from my Colorado home to Joshua Tree. My reasoning was that this would really help me, because I could stop at any point in my drive and lay down for a while. I could pace myself well, with naps if needed. I would of course sleep at night in my snuggly nest. I could set up a cute "glamping" campsite as my home base and have a blast.
Because I volunteered at the conference I would have a free campsite there at the beautiful California desert Joshua Tree Retreat Center, where the event is held. (I volunteered initially because I enjoy it, and I would have a built in way to connect with others, but it comes with a free pass, 1 meal and campsite) In my whirling mind I was being entirely reasonable, sensible. I was working hard to figure out how to sleep well and be gentle with my body while fulfilling a huge dream and saving money!
The dream could be entirely sensible if it was not entirely enmeshed with 4 days of a fantastic content filled conference and hoping to socialize a lot too.
Around the time the conference schedule was posted, and I was then signing up for my volunteer shifts of 4 hours each day at the registration table, I started to see the immense disaster I was setting myself up for. If I "worked" 4 hours each day, I will likely be pretty wiped out as I am the 2 mornings I work with seniors.
The chatter in my head got pretty loud! "Would I be able to actually attend any of the workshops or sit in on panel discussions or movie screenings after my shift? Well, if I get a good nap in the afternoon I might...how am I going to nap in my car, in the desert, in the afternoon? Will I even get any restorative sleep at night camping in my car? What will I do when I am curled up in pain from not sleeping well for days and having to keep going? How will I weather that flair in the back of a hot car? Then having anything left available to socialize, and be a part of some of the planned fun the group of online friends I get to meet would be the last thing possible. Why am I going?"
Really, what is this adventure about? I remember trying to really think about my intentions. I felt really called to this conference, so why was setting myself up to not actually be able to not even have access to the experiences and people I am supposed to? I had flipped the priorities and it was breaking me. I would pour all of myself into the least fulfilling pieces, just hoping there would be a little of me to spill over to what could really be life changing.
So the trip that I will be on in one week looks so very different!
I am driving to California over 3 days. (So I can stop and move, or close my eyes. I can see things, be a little curious, and make those 3 days part of the journey and not just travel to "the event".
I am sleeping in real beds, in real rooms, the entire trip. A combination of generous family, motel rooms and in Joshua Tree a lovely AirBnB room will be my resting places.
I bought a pass to CITD, though I am still going to the Thursday night volunteer training, helping with a workshop on Monday (which I wanted to attend, so now it is free) and I will let them know if I feel up to helping for an hour or two here or there. Mostly I am an "honorary volunteer". I now no longer have the worry of not being able to fulfill my commitments, which is an aspect of chronic illness that frustrates me most. Now I can put all of my energy each day towards the experiences I will get the most out of.
This trip, this journey, is really feeling like a huge lesson in setting my intentions. There is an aspect of it that feels like I am also moving towards something really important, that this is going to be a journey that changes me, evolves me.
Will you come along?
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